shitboarding

Today I made the mistake of wearing Toms. It had been raining for the El Nino round 2 or 3 or something. I have lost track. I got all ballsy and decided to wear my Toms-you know the canvas ones that help you save the world and make you feel warm and fuzzy. I have four pairs. The genius behind the shoes is you help kids without having to interact to them which in our American world of quick fixes and such just makes sense. Note to self don’t wear them in the winter, I usually don’t. I broke my own rule. I had the bright idea in a winter when we have a streak of more rain flooding into our streets than in years. It had stopped for two days, I thought it was a long enough reprieve.

Years ago when I was in high school or college it rained that much. El Nino, La Nina, whatever-welcome to California you better know Spanish. All I know is I had to wear galoshes and rain jackets and use a golf umbrella that I frequently ran into people torsos and heads due to my short stature. In high school, some folks almost even threw down over that golf umbrella.

I was safe, safe until the rain held in the clouds turned from creamy whiteness on a bluish sky to black to black and the safety of my dry foundation of urbanity turned slippery and wet. I walked to the bank down hill in Toms in the pouring rain. I repeat-I walked to the bank down hill in Toms in the pouring rain. Not smart. I was trying to text while the rain poured on my phone knowing I was risking water damage to my phone and/or slipping down the hill since the Tom’s bottoms are not too water proof. Saving lives doesn’t mean effective shoes. I begin to slip- I am clenching my jaw, my back, my butt in, fighting against gravity and what surprises me most is that I am skiing in a host of dog shit. It might be new but definitely wet in the middle of the sidewalk. Shit shit shit. Let me throw in a fuck for good measure. I haven’t stepped in dog shit for years I don’t even remember the last time and now I am snowboarding in it. Fucking noe valley. You are capable of procreating post 40 and paying off your mortgage for your million plus dollar homes and believe in the importance of reducing your carbon footprint and composting but you can’t reach down to clean your precious dogs shit-that would be asking too much.