i must confess

assignment: 3 images from your image notebook chosen before the assignment of a confession letter was assigned. 3 images: Jelly Bellys, Pink lines across a blue sky, Mud. 10 minutes later this is what i came up with.

Dear Dad,

I must confess this, it is something I have never told anyone before or if I did I had forgotten. When I was younger, my brother, your son was pretty awfully behaved. Well to be honest, he still is. Still, he broke things. He peed on light bulbs, he flushed apples down toilets, he hit me with his plastic baseball bat, he ransacked my room. So when I broke the answering machine, I broke the answering machine. I told you that he did it. I knew because he much younger he would get away with it, but he didn’t. He got in trouble, but not too much.

I want to confess this that once when you and P went on vacation without me, I threw a huge high school party at your house, the M section house with the cream carpets. Mud tracked its way in. But I cleaned. You never found out. The cops came, but couldn’t figure out which house it was so they never found out either. I did it because you went on a family vacation when I was going away to college and I was pissed.

This one you probably already know. The time on New Year’s Eve when I had only Jelly Bellys for dinner and found refuge in the bar, I wasn’t pushed down, but I blacked out and fell on my face. Almost breaking my nose.

I must confess that sometimes I wish you were different. I wish your strength from your past would be with you today, always. I wish you weren’t depressed or sad. I wish you would tell me about my mother. I wish you would tell me about you. Without saying your stomach hurts or going to take a nap. I want you to be happy. I must confess I fear your death. I look up at the sky with pink lines against the blueness of dusk the light reflecting on my face and I think, I think about what it would be like to tell you this. How would it make me feel to speak the truth.