the arrival of a brief love affair with my new eye doctor. . . during our appointment

An arrival of a new but brief love affair occurring between the hours of 2:45 and 4 pm on Saturday afternoon. Warm but not too warm. I wore my jeanskirt and v neck American apparel tee. I walked to get exercise. This love affair was short lived. It was over before my departure out the door into the real world. With eyes wide open. Dilated they were. No sunglasses to block out the sun.

The love affair was brief with my new eye doctor. I was pleasantly surprised when he would be the one to look into my eyes and say one or two. One or two- clicking the lenses between good and better. I am going to push you. Can you read this line? Our faces next to one another looking into one another eyes but separated by his contraption to get the look underneath the green coral shell eyes to the surface. Of things. I did the standard look subtle for a ring. Nope. I was okay. I was laughing. He was laughing. This was the best first date I had in awhile.

He talked me into things like dilating my eyes. And was so sweet when he broke the news- my eyes were finally different and there was a beginning of the astigmatism in one. He gave me tissues as I teared up. Back and froth. There was banter of more than a doctor or patient. An arrival of possibility. Growing inside of my chest and my stomach. My eyes opened and closed and glistened. As he looked into my eyes or didn’t. Oh you are a April baby too. Making small talk beyond the typical or so I thought. I kind of have a soft spot for smart man who is bilingual and donates his services. It’s kind of like a gold digger finding out she is panning in an unlimited place on the river.

Dr. Gonzalez * wants to see me again and soon. I repeat the words to receptionist. He leans out perfectly framed by the door and says. Call me Jose*. I smile. I wave. I skip. Yes it has to be soon. He says the man of fixer of eyes. Before Saturday. Saturday I am getting married.

The arrival of the possibility died in the time span of doctor’s appointment. It might be a world record of potential and ending so quick. Of course. Typical. So very typical. How else could a smart, attractive man, who does charity work not be taken? I am an idiot. Arrival of disappointment. Because all I have in my grasps are potentials. Even if it is a school girl crush where the police might sing don’t stand too close. I try not to skip a beat. Congrats. And just to add to it. He is marrying a woman with my name. My name. Come on. I don’t know what to say except. One day if I do it- I am going to get a taco truck at mine. Funny thing- we are doing that and it was my idea. Keep going the arrival of my idiocy now frosted on my own cake. I let him talk me into things like different eye solution and contacts and the dilation of my eyes.

I walked out. With a smile on my face. Face full smeared laughter of disappointment and potential. The light hit my eyes and I couldn’t see. It is what happens normally when I crush on them. I can’t see. See more than I want to. More than the potential of them. More than I should. I couldn’t see.


* name has been changed to protect the identity of this eye doctor as well as my own embarrassment.