the saving of a life- baywatch made it look so easy

this week of writing is dedicated to a nine year old who cut all her hair off to donate to locks for love. i wanted to join her but alas my hair wouldn't grow fast enough for her hair to be ready for her school camping trip. so here is bravery, to do it alone, to do it all, to say you will do it and do it. chopping off that hair for someone else. brave. yes. simple. yes. important. yes.

another ten minute quick write- it was written while i was waiting in a smog check office. thanks for reading- all my appreciation. . .

Drowning. I never have seen anyone drown. But I have seen children begin to drown-the flapping, the floundering and as you scan back and forth across the water. Back and forth. You see it and wonder if it is a splash or kick but once you look again you realize, you realize this kid is in trouble. Trouble. So the blowing of the whistle, the double whistle. Jumping into the water. And then the picking up, picking up the child because they are only in 3 feet of water. In a pool. Pool. With a bottom. You can stand on. I lift the child, almost every time in the 3 feet of water. But they were drowning-for them. They were. But it seems easy just to pick someone up. Someone up. I used to fear deep water saves. But never did I have to do one. Not once. I think the deepest I did jump in for someone who was drowning was 5 ft. It was my first save and the first question was can I come back to the pool. Not thank you, not can I get information for lesson, but the family asked can we come back to the pool. Or the time I jumped in, the mother had turned her back to her daughter. My child wasn't drowning. Okay she wasn’t but she was on her tippy toes and water was covering both her mouth and nose. You are right- she wasn’t drowning. The job of lifeguard at a public pool. It was my first job, job other than the occasional babysitting. It is a job that stayed with me. I still scan even now in every body of water I am near. Back and forth.

Drowning I didn’t think much of it myself but sometimes in the ocean or the lake or river when swimming my own personal creation of a stroke, I think about it. What if I drown? But I know what to do. Don’t go out to far. Or you could also float on your back for air. Once at camping, I was scared to jump in between two rocks- everyone around me thought I couldn’t swim. But really I just feared drowning. Drowning. But I was a competitive swimmer at one time. At one time. And a lifeguard. And I have saved people scratch that children. I still fear it the drowning. The drowning could be just the loss of control, which I fear more than anything.

So not too long ago I dreamt of drowning. But this time, I was called by my parents’ eyes to save my brother. Save my brother, who in the dream was a toddler. A toddler. No one was moving but I was. I was. So I dove deep to get him. I grabbed his hand but it slipped out. I didn’t know what to do. My brother was drowning. Drowning and there was nothing I could do. Nothing I could do at all.

Drowning. It is part of my family. It is part of me. It is how we lost my grandmother long ago. It might be why I fear it now. The drowning kept me from knowing her as my own. My own memory. Because accidents do happen. People do drown. My grandmother who feared water drowned. But I love water. Why would I drown? Why do I fear it? Maybe because maybe because I fear the letting go and nothing bad happening. To me.