lies we tell about sex

We all lie about sex. We do. Usually women lie about if they have in fact slept with someone. Sure we just made out. Men usually exaggerate. Yes we slept together. The hive fives of high school and college still find it’s way into the years of manhood. See I have paid the price more than once for someone lying about sleeping with me. Once faced with did you sleep with him- I will tell the truth- but I might not offer it all up on a platter without an ask. Because even I have secrets. Because even I sometimes edit. Rarely. Rarely but I do.

So twice I have been caught in the he said she said bullshit. Once in college. Which is just indicative of that time. People hook up. People drink too much. People lie about it. So it shouldn’t have been a shock to my eighteen-year-old self when there were rumors I was sleeping with a guy on the baseball team. But it was because I was a rookie. It was particularly surprising since I hadn’t had sex yet. Yet. A technical difficulty of sorts. And I didn’t want to admit to the said guy or the baseball team or anyone for that matter. Because my college was like high school once a rumor got back to you it had spun around all social circles and when it hit you it was already a cold lead. I was shocked. I was sad. I was a dramatic 18 year old who thought her world was falling on her head- chicken little as an adult. But eventually I got over it. So guys on baseball teams sometimes lie. But I knew the truth. The truth was I was still a virgin. So I sucked it up and kept my secret to myself.

I would lie that I had sex. Sex. In college I lied. By omission, by not saying anything because I didn’t want to feel different or odd or like a weirdo. I wasn’t like everyone and I knew it. So in the library while studying someone asked what my favorite position was. I lied. I said on top. Because I had never actually done the deed. We lie about sex. We all do.

Later, later when it happened again- the guy lying about sexcapades- I was in my late 20’s it shocked me. Again. But this time for a different reason. I would hope in 10 years the same thing would in fact feel somewhat dissimilar. This time I had been causally dating someone, someone who who was in an extended group of friends. Now this said man told everyone we slept together and then I hooked up with someone else. This was a lie you see. This was a man rewriting history. Rewriting history he should have kept to himself. Because of the truth. Because yes I did make out with someone outside a bar on st. patrick’s that wasn’t him but it wasn’t before, after, or during a romp with him. Because you see. We lie about sex. He lied about sex. And I let him. He did in fact try, try he did to have sex with me. But it was a failed attempt. I wondered what was going on down there. In fact nothing. Nothing at all except the movement of the condom rolling off onto my bed. And although how much I wanted to say aloud look beyond my possible drunken transgression, transgression and look at this liar, a liar, who didn’t sleep with me but tried. I said nothing again. Because we all lie about sex. We lie.

I thought it made me a bigger person not to tell the truth. That he had in fact lost his erection and the attempt was failed to say the least. But I said nothing. Because we lie about the truth of sex, we lie about sex itself. I took one for the team. I looked like the slut and the bitch and the whore and the one tearing up this group of friends. I was yelled at. I was called names to my face and behind my back. People stopped talking to me. Grow up, I thought. Because we are still lying about sex like we did in high school and college. But the truth was I did make a mistake. I did in fact make out with a friend of his not so close. But I didn’t sleep with him. I didn’t. But I let him lie. He also lied about dating someone else at the time. Edited out that one too- fiction writing expert. Lies I let him tell. Lies I told. Lie until now of course. Because lies, lies we tell about sex, we don’t have to. So this time I decided not to be silent but tell the truth. Its a few years late. I know. Late but it’s never too late to tell the truth. About sex. About anything. Anything at all.