be careful with the lasso of truth

We all have to make decisions. Some important, others not so much. But when it comes to Halloween- the choice of what to be, what to be, what to be is an important one and shouldn’t be taken lightly. It doesn’t matter if you are beyond the years of trick or treating- because the costume will make all the difference. So this past year, I went back and forth and I decided to be wonder woman. Now anyone who knows me probably wouldn’t be entirely surprised because I have been know to participate in some wondrous maneuvers over the years. I have been known to balance, balance a lot. I have been known to have my own type of lasso of truth. I have always thought wonder woman was kick ass but truth be told I wanted to make out with someone and the best way to make out with someone is wear little to no clothes and being a super hero just was a bonus. And it being Halloween and all I stepped it up.

I got almost all of my gear at american apparel not in a costume section-but the regular one- because you might need gold spankies to have on hand for everyday use. Don’t you? Don’t get me wrong I like american apparel but when I looked at those gold spankies and the red body suit I thought I needed an extra-extra large. The woman at the store reassured me that no,no I was of course a medium, a solid medium at american apparel. She was of course was an extra-extra small- they all are at that store- meaning she hadn’t eaten in months and just had her breakfast of a line of cocaine in the back room. It’s hard to be skinny. It’s hard to starve yourself. It’s actually much harder to do it the right way. Much harder. Starving yourself and cocaine is the easy way out. Easy way out.

Back to Halloween, there is a thing about the big night celebrations like Halloween and New Year’s- it’s either going to be life altering or suck ass. So that being said I always keep the bar low as not to be disappointed. Some of my favorite nights have never been nights where anything great was supposed to happen. You end up at the beach swimming in your party dress and ask a guy who is walking a dog to join you and voila- a man has stripped his clothes off and is running fully nude to join you. Not a pretty sight. But definitely fun, definitely.

This Halloween I was rallying to go, go and once I got there I wasn’t sure I wanted to stay. Last Halloween, the Halloween before I had drunken myself into oblivion and got into a fight over chips and after a few discussions and much reflection I realized had to slow down the alcohol down the throat and soon. Since then I have been drunk times I can count on one hand, I used to do that monthly and then it got to weekly. Hence the chips fight and how I got to now. The night had a slow start and I wasn’t sure, wasn’t sure until someone caught my attention. As I walked through the crowd to go, to go to the bathroom, I am blessed with a small bladder. No, it really sucks. The moment he looked at me again I knew he was interested. Interested. Then there was the touching on my arm and lower back and I knew for sure. If it was only this easy I would wear this costume all the time. Note to remember later- if you need to make out either wear wonder woman outfit or little to no clothes. Got it.

So the night had a series of unfortunate/fortunate events. We- the rather large group we were with- ended up at a yacht club-my name tag read kathy or candy. They pretended to close and promptly kicked us out and the median age was 45 and hotness factor on the scale was pretty low on the scale. Until we got there and then the kicking out. Then we walked, walked for a while to a houseboat. A houseboat with tons of alcohol and left over food. I was hungry but didn’t know when this food had been birthed so. I ate the standby you guessed it- chips. And then all of sudden I think due to a time change it was 3 or 4 and everyone was leaving. Leaving

I ran inside to catch up with the man of the night, he was in the bathroom, soon I am too. The cab is already here so I have to talk him while I go the bathroom. The bodysuit is coming down and the gold spankies- I ask him to look away- while we decide our next move. It’s not everyday you meet someone and pee in front of them. One usually works up to such closeness. We had a time crunch so. . . Multitasking at it’s best. I am running to the cab- and either have to let my roommate go, go with me, or without me. With him or without him. I am going back and forth. Because he has this friend. This friend he supposedly can’t leave, who is really drunk and passing out. Passing out. Then he is falling down and there is screaming of the friend. I finally tell her to go. That I will stay with him. The lights of the cab pulls away rapidly. The gate in is locked. Locked. I am standing alone on the dock in a wonder woman outfit. It’s cold. Shit did I make a mistake. I see him.

So now it’s time for triage- his friend- well really we aren’t that close. He is on the ground screaming something about his knee. A grown man reigning from Oakland screaming on the pier and now the tears. Holy shit. He really is hurt. But he won’t take help from anyone. Trying to calm him down. Breath I say. Why the fuck did I stay? Is the price of kissing and possibly more worth it really? Probably, probably. Now neighbors are complaining. We are calling cabs. Calling for help. A guy on a bike shows up to help. Help. A coke dealer on a bike can’t really help. I thought coke dealers had a lot nicer rides. The coke dealer is useless-shocker. Everyone is crowded around the injured one- who is still yelling and now walking- adrenaline now his best friend has kicked in it would seem. I can’t get a cab to come, we are somewhere near the giants stadium pretty much death cab for me, for him, for us.

Then, then because it can always get worse, my roommate calls and is locked out. Locked out. And I am the only one with keys. Fuck, fuck, fuck! Why can’t my super powers kick in now, the invisible device she rode around in would really help us right about now. I could block some bullets- something. We are totally screwed and not in the good way. We resolve, resolve after to figure out what to do that we will walk to his house, get his car, and save my roommate. We keep laughing sporadically. Laughing about this situation. Because it is funny. Very funny. And really we just wanted to be with each other not in this mess. But there is something about someone who laughs through the trauma-something really attractive. His “friend” we will figure out that later.

Will you promise to protect me if someone tries to hurt me. Because I am still partially clothed as wonder woman. Of course. So we walk. It’s not as close as I hoped. I have to pee. I am hungry. We are still laughing. Rats take over this city in the wee hours. I had no idea. Rats groups of rats almost touch my red toms. I scream. We laugh. A family of rats lives near his house. A mini city within a city.

We are driving- we are saving my roommate. She feel asleep, feel asleep on the back porch. She tried to pick the lock and almost climbed her way up, to the roof. Making pasta at 6- holy fuck what a night. It was a night that other people when I ran into them would say we talked about that night for awhile. It was a night we talked about for awhile too. It is strange, strange, to have choices like getting in a cab, or a friend getting stuck in an elevator which can change your night. Change your night. Change. Changing. Changing. We all get to change sometimes. I was given a new love for dark beer- porters and imperial stouts- I had always stuck to the light. I gave him, him although fearful of germs the new addiction of second hand shops and thrift stores. Immediately washed of course. I was given 2 new places to roam, roam away from it all and still in the city. I gave him him kombucha that didn’t make him hurl and homeopathic medicine to fight off colds. Laughing. Laughing. Laughing. During the chaos. During the quiet. Still the same. Be careful with the lasso of truth, you don’t know what ways it might change you.